In 1999, Mario awoke with high spirits. This was supposed to be a great day...


He recently spoiled himself with a really cool, brand new record player.
He's a huge music enthusiast and was really looking forward to the release of
"The Fragile" by "Nine Inch Nails", one of his all time favorite artists.
So when September 21st was finally rollin' around, he was heading out way too early in
the morning. Like, 5am or something. What a maniac...

He had his route planned out, and made a mixtape to listen to on his way to get it.
A simple trip turned into a maddening excursion, spurred on by one completely innocuous question.

"Have you ever heard of Limp Bizkit?"

Yes, he had. Significant Other released months ago. Mario couldn't escape the hymns of
Nookie and Break Stuff constantly playing on the radio.
Was it possible for someone to not have heard of Limp Bizkit at this point?
George Michael certainly had!

Mario didn't think much of it at first - chuckling a bit and continuing his journey to the record store.
But when he got there, he heard a familiar voice. The same voice that was asking him
this fateful question earlier that day at the skate park.

Phanto.

He was holding the album in his hands. Both hands at once. With the same kind of gentle and passionate touch 
that reminded Mario of his one true love. Rosal...I mean Princess Peach! Sorry.

Mario rushed over to the new releases while fatally injuring an old lady with a walking stick. 
She got pushed over by Mario and just fell over. You really wouldn't think that would kill someone
but that's what happened.

Seemingly unbothered by that incident, Mario frantically scrambled through the records but found nothing...
Except for Significant Other by Limp Bizkit, but of course he put that right back where it belonged.

"Who the hell would ever actually buy something like that?" He said to himself. Out loud. 

Anyway, Mario felt robbed.
He ran up to Phanto, hassling him to try and get The Fragile from him, but it was of no use.
There was only one copy, and it was Phantos. 

Phanto could tell Mario was getting angry, so he ran around the shop a few times for whatever reason, then turned to get away.
After letting out a sigh of relief, thinking he got away from that strange little fellow,
he heard ominous footsteps behind him get louder.
Phanto picked up the pace....So did the footsteps.

Who knows what caused Mario to snap, but the chase was on.
As he pursued Phanto, he saw lands he had only seen from a distance - only to reach the castle
that Phanto had taken refuge in. Weird design for a castle and all the fireballs made it pretty hot in there,
but at least the music was good.

Mario was hunting him through the halls, finally ascending and catching up to him.
After bombarding the poor guy with god knows how many throwblocks, Mario thought he successfully stole
the record! Phanto wasn't a complete moron though and bamboozled Mario by swapping out "The Fragile" with a
copy of "Significant Other" by none other than "Limp Bizkit"!

Mario saw red. Redder than his shirt. Redder than Fred Durst's baseball hat.

He ran out the backdoor of the castle to a place he had never seen.
Humid hung low in the palm trees. The surroundings looked odd as he trudged on. 

Then silence.

The side of his mixtape had reached it's end. He turned it over to start side B.






This is dedicated to you Ben Stiller